So, following a rather overindulgent festive season eating everything in sight (well the weeks leading up to crimbo and christmas day anyway!!!) it seems my muffin top has turned into a rather large fruit cake!! Thank god I had the flu from boxing day and was incapable of eating any more celebrations!!!! otherwise we could have been looking at a sugar loaf mountain around my middle!!
I did actually contemplate going into the loft to look for my maternity jeans when my stretch jeans sort of puckered and then didn't ping back!!!! but NO instead I made a dreaded resolution.......'I will loose weight!'
Shock , horror I hear you cry (not for losing weight of course, I have done it before, I just prefer the curvy version on me!!) For those who know know me well understand what a big deal this is......... I NEVER make resolutions. In my opinion they are a complete waste of time. They are generally made in the heat of the moment and broken two weeks later leaving you depressed, grumpy and guilty - who actually needs to add this sort of misery to January where is cold, miserable and no-one has money!!!. Anyway I'm catholic, we come with in-built guilt, who needs to add more!
So, back to my decision to loose a few pounds and inches - notice how I didn't use that four letter rude word 'd**t'!
Ive decided that its all about cutting back , exercising and staying sane. Instead of shocking my body by depriving it of things that will make it happy (hey, I have two full on kids that regularly leave me broken on a sobbing heap on the floor. I cant give up everything that makes life bearable, come on!!) I will lull it into a false sense of security by cutting back!!
The fridge is looking slightly more barren and the fruit bowl if filled with a plethora of vivid colours making it more appealing, the only snacks in the house are the ones that the kids like and things that I wont touch with a barge pole. My wine fridge is half empty (like my outlook on life during these times of austerity!!) and there must be at least 4 alcohol free days a week - come Friday I deserve a glass or two and if the weekend is not assistted by a wine buffer I really will have a mental breakdown!
The dog thinks its Christmas all over again as he's getting a brisk walk every day for at least 45 mins (its still parky out there remember!) usually accompanied by my ipod - funny story, thought the field was empty so started to sing along to 'Kings of Leon' at the top of my lungs only to discover the field was not as empty as I first thought!! Such a Miranda moment!!!
My friend - and I use the term loosely at the moment, more sadist if i'm honest - made me accompany her to a callenetics class twice in one week.. OH MY DAYS! the horror , the pain, muscles are not ment to hurt like that!!! bum muscles screamed at me for a week every time I tried to bend my legs!! And for all you gym bunnies out there who say 'feel the burn' and 'no pain, no gain' what is WRONG with you people!!!!!OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!!!!! I am using capitals to emphasise my point, the same with the exclamation marks - it hurt.. but apparently its good for me and therefore I will be going back next week (sob!!)
All good stuff, i can hear you thinking, bravo that girl, a healthy attitude to have, pat on the back......... but here we are, three weeks into january and I can feel myself slipping - it doesnt really count if I have a small glass of wine on a Wednesday after all it is 'hump day' and the 3/4 hour walk was only 1/2 hour today in the snow - health and safety always at the forefront of my mind. The diva didn't finish all her breakfast crumpet, such a waste to throw food away! That chicken salad would be so much more apealing with a sprinkle of ceaser dressing on the top!! Can't really stop for lunch as have too much to do so a flapjack and latte will do - after all it is made of oats!!
I think I need someone walking behind me with a microphone 'oi, fatty, step away from the cake!!' otherwise weight watchers will come along, plant a flag in my belly button and claim the sugar loaf mountain as a conquest!!!!
Honestly, my biggest problem is will power - or my lack of it! I can quite easily say no to my children, very easily say no to my hubby but when faced with a nice glass of wine, peanuts, pretzels, cake, icecream , etcccc..... i never say no to myself!!!
Maybe my resolution should have been to have more will power, to learn how to stay strong in the face of temptation, to just say no - in the style of grange hill for those that remember!!!!
Thats it, my resolution will be to empower myself, to be more assertive, to laugh in the face of danger (have you ever got between my daughter and a chocolate bar) to overcome vice...............
Psssst, see how I have already talked myself out of the whole weight loss/diet thang!!! Piece of cake!!!
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Thursday, 17 January 2013
maturity and mortality
At the beginning of 2012 my family went through a nasty spate of illness - alongside the usual coughs and colds brought home by the germ magnets that are my children we had the more frightening experience of more serious illness and accident.
My mum was diagnosed with vasillitus - a disease so minute and deadly that it affects only one in 10 million people! (she does like to feel special my mum1) It basically attacks your smaller weaker organs like sight smell, taste before moving on to your blood and your larger organs, liver, kidneys etc....
She went to bed on Christmas Day 2011 and didn't really get out of bed till March 2012!!!! We had a couple of stays in hospital, blood transfusions, steroids, biopsies, then a course of anti rejection drugs to stop her kidneys failing completely.
The woman facing me in the bed was not my mother but something I can only describe as "a poor unfortunate soul" swallowed up by the wicked sea witch in the little mermaid!!!!! A shadow of her former self that couldn't sea properly, hear properly or form a sentence (no dribbling thank god!). She lost weight, and was generally as weak as a kitten and in an awful lot of pain where her blood was attacking her body internally - basically all her insides were trying their damndest to become her outsides!!
And to be honest it freaked me out.
This once strong, independent woman was laying relying on others not able to do a damn thing. Where was my rock?
Then a few months later my dad fell off a ladder doing the gardening (don't ask!!) and broke ribs, a small bone in his back, had terrible bruising and was in an enormous amount of pain. So much so that a few days after being discharged from hospital we had to again call an ambulance as he was unable to breathe properly or move at all - he was flat on his back doing a kind of fish out of water impression with his mouth as he couldn't physically find the words to express the pain he was in - well nothing I could write here anyway .... potty mouth!!!!!!!!
Again it freaked me out but in a different way - this time I found it hilarious as well as highly disthurbing! My big strong daddy was laying there like a small child crying in pain asking anyone to make it stop. Again the angels in white coats fixed him up and sent him on his merry way - tramadol is a wonderful thing x
But these two incidents really brought home the fact that my parents are not immortal! they hurt, they bleed, they cry.
Mortality is a peculiar thing! Im not ready for my parents to leave this mortal coil. Im not grown up enough......
Rather selfish I hear you cry, but honestly as well as the emotional support they give me and the fact
that I love them to bits, I need them for practical reasons!!!!
Who will help me with the mess I call a garden (dad thinks he's Percy Thrower - I have no idea who he is talking about either!!) Who will help me explain football to No1 son (certainly not darling hubby as I think I understand the off side rule better than he does)
Who am I going to call in the middle of the day when i am at the end of my tether with the kids, or hubby for that matter! Who will give me advise on cooking, fixing, mending etc..... My parents have yet to teach me everything!!!!
I'm still mediocre mum not super mum!!!!!!!!
I have never thought of my parents as old - they are just ...........there.
Logically they are the next generation to wear the white feather wings, but who thinks about their parents logically!!!
I lost my grandad at the age of six years old - No 1 son will be six next month and the thought of him without his grumps scares me.
However, even though I still feel mentally like a toddler at times therewas a moment during the whole illness /injury malarky where I thought to myself "hang on, Im the grown up here, my parents are relying on me for help'" and in a roaring whoosh the circle of life/teaching was complete!!! No longer the helpless babe in arms relying on my parents for the whole day to day necessities but 'woman in charge' - I've got the power (Sang in SNAP styleee)
I had a vision - fast forward thirty odd years and its me lying in the hospital for one illness or another and there are my grown up children with their own families, fussing round the bed, arguing with the nurse etc....
Huge reality check needed here ..........OMG my two adorable rat finks will be in charge of me!!
HMMMMMMM might need to rethink the rules and regulations of the house after all they really will pick my nursing home!! After all I remember when my mum grounded me for being half an hour late and when my dad made me scrub the drive because I had drawn a chalk hop scotch on it and the time ....... the list is endless, maybe that swish all singing all dancing nursing home will be replaced with a little trip to Switzerland - Dignitas anyone?????
My mum was diagnosed with vasillitus - a disease so minute and deadly that it affects only one in 10 million people! (she does like to feel special my mum1) It basically attacks your smaller weaker organs like sight smell, taste before moving on to your blood and your larger organs, liver, kidneys etc....
She went to bed on Christmas Day 2011 and didn't really get out of bed till March 2012!!!! We had a couple of stays in hospital, blood transfusions, steroids, biopsies, then a course of anti rejection drugs to stop her kidneys failing completely.
The woman facing me in the bed was not my mother but something I can only describe as "a poor unfortunate soul" swallowed up by the wicked sea witch in the little mermaid!!!!! A shadow of her former self that couldn't sea properly, hear properly or form a sentence (no dribbling thank god!). She lost weight, and was generally as weak as a kitten and in an awful lot of pain where her blood was attacking her body internally - basically all her insides were trying their damndest to become her outsides!!
And to be honest it freaked me out.
This once strong, independent woman was laying relying on others not able to do a damn thing. Where was my rock?
Fortunately angels in the guise of doctors performed a minor miracle and the one in 10000000000000000000000 disease was under control - for now!!!!! not cured just controlled!
Then a few months later my dad fell off a ladder doing the gardening (don't ask!!) and broke ribs, a small bone in his back, had terrible bruising and was in an enormous amount of pain. So much so that a few days after being discharged from hospital we had to again call an ambulance as he was unable to breathe properly or move at all - he was flat on his back doing a kind of fish out of water impression with his mouth as he couldn't physically find the words to express the pain he was in - well nothing I could write here anyway .... potty mouth!!!!!!!!
Again it freaked me out but in a different way - this time I found it hilarious as well as highly disthurbing! My big strong daddy was laying there like a small child crying in pain asking anyone to make it stop. Again the angels in white coats fixed him up and sent him on his merry way - tramadol is a wonderful thing x
But these two incidents really brought home the fact that my parents are not immortal! they hurt, they bleed, they cry.
Mortality is a peculiar thing! Im not ready for my parents to leave this mortal coil. Im not grown up enough......
Rather selfish I hear you cry, but honestly as well as the emotional support they give me and the fact
that I love them to bits, I need them for practical reasons!!!!
Who will help me with the mess I call a garden (dad thinks he's Percy Thrower - I have no idea who he is talking about either!!) Who will help me explain football to No1 son (certainly not darling hubby as I think I understand the off side rule better than he does)
Who am I going to call in the middle of the day when i am at the end of my tether with the kids, or hubby for that matter! Who will give me advise on cooking, fixing, mending etc..... My parents have yet to teach me everything!!!!
I'm still mediocre mum not super mum!!!!!!!!
I have never thought of my parents as old - they are just ...........there.
Logically they are the next generation to wear the white feather wings, but who thinks about their parents logically!!!
I lost my grandad at the age of six years old - No 1 son will be six next month and the thought of him without his grumps scares me.
However, even though I still feel mentally like a toddler at times therewas a moment during the whole illness /injury malarky where I thought to myself "hang on, Im the grown up here, my parents are relying on me for help'" and in a roaring whoosh the circle of life/teaching was complete!!! No longer the helpless babe in arms relying on my parents for the whole day to day necessities but 'woman in charge' - I've got the power (Sang in SNAP styleee)
I had a vision - fast forward thirty odd years and its me lying in the hospital for one illness or another and there are my grown up children with their own families, fussing round the bed, arguing with the nurse etc....
Huge reality check needed here ..........OMG my two adorable rat finks will be in charge of me!!
HMMMMMMM might need to rethink the rules and regulations of the house after all they really will pick my nursing home!! After all I remember when my mum grounded me for being half an hour late and when my dad made me scrub the drive because I had drawn a chalk hop scotch on it and the time ....... the list is endless, maybe that swish all singing all dancing nursing home will be replaced with a little trip to Switzerland - Dignitas anyone?????
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
mummyguilt: 'just a baby'
mummyguilt: 'just a baby': 'your just a baby!' is No1 sons insult of choice to the darling diva at the moment, which is often followed by the retort 'I'm a big girl, I...
'just a baby'
'your just a baby!' is No1 sons insult of choice to the darling diva at the moment, which is often followed by the retort 'I'm a big girl, I am!! - Eliza doolittle style!
And as I try to explain to them both, they will always be my babies so its not really a horrible thing to say, which is met by much eye tossing from the 1st child and much shouting from the 2nd!!!
But it does bring up the age old question 'when is a baby not a baby anymore?'
My brother and his fabbie wife have just had a beautiful baby girl and my hubbie is worried that I might become broody, in fact his actual words were 'Two is definitely enough Kate!'
I do love a baby.... they lay there so innocent looking relying on you to do everything, they smell divine, their skin is soft like a peach, they have tiny fingers and toes, they make soft meowing noises, God I could eat them!!!!! so you see my hubbies concerns.
Obviously this is the outsiders view looking in. I can easily recall the projectile vomit, exploding nappies, colic, crying for hours (me not them) the rocking, feeding, cleaning, sterilising etc..... So I am not looking at the tiny bundles with rose coloured glasses, but when you can give them back they seem so much more squidgable!!
My two are now so fully into the independent stage - 'I can do it, I don't need your help' - I am beginning to feel redundant. The diva insists on going to the toilet by herself now (only indoors obviously) and wiping her own bottom! (remember she is not three till the end of june)
I have continual fights to help her dress, eat, get in and out of the car etc.. she is even insisting on making her own lunch and trying to brush and dry her hair! As i said 'redundant'!!
And don't get me started on No1 son - 'I go to school now, I can do it on my own' - except top buttons and ties of course!
Maybe their independence is what is scaring both me (they don't need me anymore!) and hubby (she must be feeling broody!!).
No1 son is trying to read the diva a bedtime story (thats my job, sob!!). The diva has not had a bottle for an absolute age (but I am still reluctant to throw them away!) the baby toys are away in a box waiting for Baby lydia to be big enough to play with them and they only watch grown up catoons like 'scooby do' and 'tom and jerry' - not fireman sam or waybuloo!!! Too babyish apparently!
My baby years are fast disappearing, they don't even smell as nice as they used to! No1 son's room is taking on a slight whiff of teenager!!
And as much as I like this grown up independence - you don't need to cart half as much stuff around, conversations are more animated, no more silly singsong voices, you can do more/ go more places - I do still miss the total reliance on 'mummy'
So when the diva came creeping into my bed after having a nightmare and cuddled up next to me I felt slightly smug - she does still need me. And when No1 son came in crying after falling down and grazing his knee and needing a hug and kiss I didn't say No!!
I suppose I will always be needed to wash, cook, clean and taxi around, but I will also always be needed for cuddles, kisses and reassurance just under their steam now not mine, So no matter how 'big' they get, my babies will always be my babies.
My children are independent spirits who I know will make their own way in the world, safe in the instilled knowledge (from me!) that they can achieve anything they set their minds to and if it does go wrong 'mummy' will be their to help pick up the pieces and kiss it better. (well probably! I might have retired to my caribbean island by then! a girl can dream!!)
My Dad says you need to give your children two things in life - roots and wings.
Roots, so they know where they are from and a grounding in life and wings so that they can have dreams and fly. And as hard as it is to let your babies go you have to start doing it at an early age, all those little signs of independence just mean you are doing a bloody good job! (I think) xx
And as I try to explain to them both, they will always be my babies so its not really a horrible thing to say, which is met by much eye tossing from the 1st child and much shouting from the 2nd!!!
But it does bring up the age old question 'when is a baby not a baby anymore?'
My brother and his fabbie wife have just had a beautiful baby girl and my hubbie is worried that I might become broody, in fact his actual words were 'Two is definitely enough Kate!'
I do love a baby.... they lay there so innocent looking relying on you to do everything, they smell divine, their skin is soft like a peach, they have tiny fingers and toes, they make soft meowing noises, God I could eat them!!!!! so you see my hubbies concerns.
Obviously this is the outsiders view looking in. I can easily recall the projectile vomit, exploding nappies, colic, crying for hours (me not them) the rocking, feeding, cleaning, sterilising etc..... So I am not looking at the tiny bundles with rose coloured glasses, but when you can give them back they seem so much more squidgable!!
My two are now so fully into the independent stage - 'I can do it, I don't need your help' - I am beginning to feel redundant. The diva insists on going to the toilet by herself now (only indoors obviously) and wiping her own bottom! (remember she is not three till the end of june)
I have continual fights to help her dress, eat, get in and out of the car etc.. she is even insisting on making her own lunch and trying to brush and dry her hair! As i said 'redundant'!!
And don't get me started on No1 son - 'I go to school now, I can do it on my own' - except top buttons and ties of course!
Maybe their independence is what is scaring both me (they don't need me anymore!) and hubby (she must be feeling broody!!).
No1 son is trying to read the diva a bedtime story (thats my job, sob!!). The diva has not had a bottle for an absolute age (but I am still reluctant to throw them away!) the baby toys are away in a box waiting for Baby lydia to be big enough to play with them and they only watch grown up catoons like 'scooby do' and 'tom and jerry' - not fireman sam or waybuloo!!! Too babyish apparently!
My baby years are fast disappearing, they don't even smell as nice as they used to! No1 son's room is taking on a slight whiff of teenager!!
And as much as I like this grown up independence - you don't need to cart half as much stuff around, conversations are more animated, no more silly singsong voices, you can do more/ go more places - I do still miss the total reliance on 'mummy'
So when the diva came creeping into my bed after having a nightmare and cuddled up next to me I felt slightly smug - she does still need me. And when No1 son came in crying after falling down and grazing his knee and needing a hug and kiss I didn't say No!!
I suppose I will always be needed to wash, cook, clean and taxi around, but I will also always be needed for cuddles, kisses and reassurance just under their steam now not mine, So no matter how 'big' they get, my babies will always be my babies.
My children are independent spirits who I know will make their own way in the world, safe in the instilled knowledge (from me!) that they can achieve anything they set their minds to and if it does go wrong 'mummy' will be their to help pick up the pieces and kiss it better. (well probably! I might have retired to my caribbean island by then! a girl can dream!!)
My Dad says you need to give your children two things in life - roots and wings.
Roots, so they know where they are from and a grounding in life and wings so that they can have dreams and fly. And as hard as it is to let your babies go you have to start doing it at an early age, all those little signs of independence just mean you are doing a bloody good job! (I think) xx
Monday, 21 May 2012
Make mine a half!!!!!!!
As a young uni student I was quite the party animal! 'Really?' I hear you cry, but its true, if there was a social gathering then I was there!!!
Nowadays I would describe myself as more a party ornament! Quiet, reserved, overlooked by some! Behaving and generally being a social goodie goodie! and why???? Its honestly down to the fact that the older I get the more debilitating the hangover becomes!!!
Oh for the days when a hangover used to be a simple affair - you awoke, dry mouthed gagging for a glass of water. A quick shower, two paracetamol and before you could say 'full english and a pint of flat coke please' you were well on the way to recovery!!!
However as the years pass the hangover goes from short term to something that can only be measured in days!!!!! And they get progressively worse as the day progresses!!!!
You awake feeling relatively smug at the lack of usual hangover signs, saying to yourself 'look at me after a night out ha!!'. You try for brekkie and change your mind as a niggle of feeling just one or two degrees under starts to kick in. You play with the kids and start to do the usual day to day things with an ever growing sense of doom as by lunch time the royal philharmonic orchestra is playing a rather long and loud drum solo in your head and your stomach feels like you have drunk a vat of rat poison. Come the afternoon all you want to do is lay down in a darkened room, have a little sob and fall into a dehydrated coma!! The next day is not soooo bad but you are still feeling the affects and everything seems to take longer and an early night is definitely needed along with eating your body weight in 'fat' food - take our pick, chips, pizza, toast, tea and biscuits etc.... everyone has their favourites!!
Its not so much the liquid intake I am having to adjust but my whole attitude to a night out.
No longer do I burst into the pub or party thinking 'bring it on' rather 'must remember to drink more water in between alcoholic drinks!! How sad!!
Also i need to keep in mind the long list of activities I will have to face in the morning - football practise with a hangover? standing in the cold hm mm I don't think so!! tap dancing with an alcohol induced headache? not so likely!!!! So I find myself thinking of excuses so I can leave early, therefore not drinking as much as i might usually as 'I have a busy day tomorrow!!'
It used to take ten minutes to organise a night out now it takes more like ten weeks - making sure everyone has a free date on the calender , organising babysitters, cover for the club drop off in the morning and buying supplies for the next few days as a trip to the supermarket with a hangover and two boisterous children is SOOOOOOOO not happening!!
And then to top it all off the hangover is accompanied by the feeling of guilt you suffer for a) leaving your little darlings with a babysitter! The shock and horror of it all, even if the babysitter is nanny! and b) not having the energy to do anything with them, including reading a book and watching cartoons without drifting off! Bad mother, bad mother, I promise never to go out and drink again............... still, the feelings of guilt will eventually wear off and then you know you will do it all over again!! When will I ever learn!!
Nowadays I would describe myself as more a party ornament! Quiet, reserved, overlooked by some! Behaving and generally being a social goodie goodie! and why???? Its honestly down to the fact that the older I get the more debilitating the hangover becomes!!!
Oh for the days when a hangover used to be a simple affair - you awoke, dry mouthed gagging for a glass of water. A quick shower, two paracetamol and before you could say 'full english and a pint of flat coke please' you were well on the way to recovery!!!
However as the years pass the hangover goes from short term to something that can only be measured in days!!!!! And they get progressively worse as the day progresses!!!!
You awake feeling relatively smug at the lack of usual hangover signs, saying to yourself 'look at me after a night out ha!!'. You try for brekkie and change your mind as a niggle of feeling just one or two degrees under starts to kick in. You play with the kids and start to do the usual day to day things with an ever growing sense of doom as by lunch time the royal philharmonic orchestra is playing a rather long and loud drum solo in your head and your stomach feels like you have drunk a vat of rat poison. Come the afternoon all you want to do is lay down in a darkened room, have a little sob and fall into a dehydrated coma!! The next day is not soooo bad but you are still feeling the affects and everything seems to take longer and an early night is definitely needed along with eating your body weight in 'fat' food - take our pick, chips, pizza, toast, tea and biscuits etc.... everyone has their favourites!!
Its not so much the liquid intake I am having to adjust but my whole attitude to a night out.
No longer do I burst into the pub or party thinking 'bring it on' rather 'must remember to drink more water in between alcoholic drinks!! How sad!!
Also i need to keep in mind the long list of activities I will have to face in the morning - football practise with a hangover? standing in the cold hm mm I don't think so!! tap dancing with an alcohol induced headache? not so likely!!!! So I find myself thinking of excuses so I can leave early, therefore not drinking as much as i might usually as 'I have a busy day tomorrow!!'
It used to take ten minutes to organise a night out now it takes more like ten weeks - making sure everyone has a free date on the calender , organising babysitters, cover for the club drop off in the morning and buying supplies for the next few days as a trip to the supermarket with a hangover and two boisterous children is SOOOOOOOO not happening!!
And then to top it all off the hangover is accompanied by the feeling of guilt you suffer for a) leaving your little darlings with a babysitter! The shock and horror of it all, even if the babysitter is nanny! and b) not having the energy to do anything with them, including reading a book and watching cartoons without drifting off! Bad mother, bad mother, I promise never to go out and drink again............... still, the feelings of guilt will eventually wear off and then you know you will do it all over again!! When will I ever learn!!
Wednesday, 9 May 2012
Mummy = maturity??????
You know you have hit the grown up years when you look around you and your friends and realise that no one has had a pregnancy scare in years!!! Instead of buying condoms you are now buying fertility prediction kits and are actively taking folic acid instead of the pill. You are crossing fingers and legs that your period doesn't come each month rather than rushing to the bathroom every five minutes praying that twinge was the start of 'the curse'!!!
Now, producing a baby is not a definitive marker of adulthood - looking around these days it could be classed as kiddihood!!! Giving birth is impressive, i grant you (look what I made!!!) but being mature and responsible is even more impressive. And Im sure thats what we are all striving for, right? Yes you can be a young mum, energetic mum, older mum, lazy mum, or a mum that spends all disposable income on shoes!!!! (thats who I want to be!!!) but the fact remains that when push (ha ha) comes to shove you are more likely to put the needs of your beloved infant before your own.
This selflesness is the very essence of adulthood, of maturity and responsibility, even if in your mind (like me) you are still a teenager. So its ok to laugh as your child somersaults over their own feet as long as you wipe the tears and tell them how brave they are, its ok to take those embarrasing naked baby pictures and use them as ammunition later in life as you are just highlighting the beauty of the natural form!! Its ok to go head first down the soft play slide and into the pit of balls because you are just guiding your child in the ways of play (and not having a good time in the process!!!).
There is a fine balance to this parent hood malarkie!!!
Not only is being a parent to your own child intimidating, but then someone throws a curve ball at you and asks you to be a GODPARENT!!!
Now you are old enough to have friends with their own sproglets but you are obviously old enough (Old?????) and responsible enough (did they not read what I do to my own kids!!) that they think you are a suitable person to lend a hand in their babies spiritual development!!!!(sorry I laughed so much then a little bit of wee came out!!!). Which includes buying age appropriate presents and being interested in school reports etc........ sorry never gonna happen with my god kids Mrs B. I want them to love their fairy godmother not look on her as 'mummy' so its sweets, chewing gum and 12rated dvds!!!
And then on top of all this maturity and grownupness (don't think its a word but it should be!) comes the phenomenon that is 'turning into your mother'.
Now for me this is not a problem , as those that have met her will concur that my mum is practically perfect (that and the fact that she reads my blog! Hello mummy!!!)
It starts of small, little idiosyncratic ways, hand gestures, pained facial expressions. It may be the emergence of phrases that have lain dormant at the back of your mind for years but are increasingly being used in everyday conversations with your little ones 'am i talking to myself?' 'Im not doing this for my own good' ' because i said so!' Then there is the desire to enforce those insane and illogical rules that your mum once held so dear!!!! arrrggghhhh!! Try to think of this occurance as the continuation of an anciet tradition - you are like your mum, she was like hers, etc..... because if you start crying now you'll never stop!!! You can recognise these signs, you can hide from them but sooner or later you will look in the mirror and it will be your mum looking back at you!!! And no amount of antiwrinkle cream, or wine is going to stop it!!! (But hey, we have the luxury of picking out the best bits and dumping the rest!! sort of!!)
So whilst we try to reconcile the conflict between being this mature, sensible 'mummy' and wanting to retain the freedom to act like teenagers you can rest easy in the knowledge that no matter how old, mature and mother like we become we will never forget how to sing into a hairbrush infront of the mirror!!!!!!!!
Now, producing a baby is not a definitive marker of adulthood - looking around these days it could be classed as kiddihood!!! Giving birth is impressive, i grant you (look what I made!!!) but being mature and responsible is even more impressive. And Im sure thats what we are all striving for, right? Yes you can be a young mum, energetic mum, older mum, lazy mum, or a mum that spends all disposable income on shoes!!!! (thats who I want to be!!!) but the fact remains that when push (ha ha) comes to shove you are more likely to put the needs of your beloved infant before your own.
This selflesness is the very essence of adulthood, of maturity and responsibility, even if in your mind (like me) you are still a teenager. So its ok to laugh as your child somersaults over their own feet as long as you wipe the tears and tell them how brave they are, its ok to take those embarrasing naked baby pictures and use them as ammunition later in life as you are just highlighting the beauty of the natural form!! Its ok to go head first down the soft play slide and into the pit of balls because you are just guiding your child in the ways of play (and not having a good time in the process!!!).
There is a fine balance to this parent hood malarkie!!!
Not only is being a parent to your own child intimidating, but then someone throws a curve ball at you and asks you to be a GODPARENT!!!
Now you are old enough to have friends with their own sproglets but you are obviously old enough (Old?????) and responsible enough (did they not read what I do to my own kids!!) that they think you are a suitable person to lend a hand in their babies spiritual development!!!!(sorry I laughed so much then a little bit of wee came out!!!). Which includes buying age appropriate presents and being interested in school reports etc........ sorry never gonna happen with my god kids Mrs B. I want them to love their fairy godmother not look on her as 'mummy' so its sweets, chewing gum and 12rated dvds!!!
And then on top of all this maturity and grownupness (don't think its a word but it should be!) comes the phenomenon that is 'turning into your mother'.
Now for me this is not a problem , as those that have met her will concur that my mum is practically perfect (that and the fact that she reads my blog! Hello mummy!!!)
It starts of small, little idiosyncratic ways, hand gestures, pained facial expressions. It may be the emergence of phrases that have lain dormant at the back of your mind for years but are increasingly being used in everyday conversations with your little ones 'am i talking to myself?' 'Im not doing this for my own good' ' because i said so!' Then there is the desire to enforce those insane and illogical rules that your mum once held so dear!!!! arrrggghhhh!! Try to think of this occurance as the continuation of an anciet tradition - you are like your mum, she was like hers, etc..... because if you start crying now you'll never stop!!! You can recognise these signs, you can hide from them but sooner or later you will look in the mirror and it will be your mum looking back at you!!! And no amount of antiwrinkle cream, or wine is going to stop it!!! (But hey, we have the luxury of picking out the best bits and dumping the rest!! sort of!!)
So whilst we try to reconcile the conflict between being this mature, sensible 'mummy' and wanting to retain the freedom to act like teenagers you can rest easy in the knowledge that no matter how old, mature and mother like we become we will never forget how to sing into a hairbrush infront of the mirror!!!!!!!!
Friday, 4 May 2012
add it to the list!!!
I like to think of myself as a fairly organised person. I like being on time, I like to know what is happening, I don't like suprises much and I love a LIST!!! - Yes some may say anal/controlling but I prefer the term organised!!
I don't know if its the teacher in me or a bit of OCD leaking out but I would be lost without a list.
I write them for everything - food shopping lists, clothes shopping lists, lists for going on holiday (what to pack etc..), a daily 'to do' list, a weekly 'to do' list, a wish list of 'things that need doing round the house'..... Calendars, food menus, kids activities, birthday lists, these are all my friends - I even made a list once of all the lists I needed to make!!! SAD yes!!!!
Now call me obsessive, call me a geek, call me sad but my mind these days is a volcano of 'everyday stuff' and it just keeps pouring out and the only way to reign it in and make sense of the lava which is my thoughts is with a pen and paper!!!!
However, I have started to look back over some of these lists - and NO i don't keep them for sentimental value before you ask - and I have found just how far down my own list of priorities I come!!! But I am guessing I am not the only mummy out there who does this...........
No1 son needs new shoes (so do I but that will have to wait) ... add it to the list
The darling diva needs new trousers (so do i but that will have to wait) ... add it to the list
Hubby needs a haircut (so do I but that will have to wait) ...... make an appoinment, add it to the list.
Food shopping lists ....... all the food that the other three like, hmmmm not much of what I really want. The diva like spag bol so thats what we will have on monday, Hubby doesn't like fish (i do, i do, ) so will get him something else. No1 son likes that brand of yogurts so thats what goes into the trolley!
Dog to the vets, out for a walk, kids to swimming, school, nursery, trips to the post office, bank, DIY store. Play dates, family visits, etc.. I wouldn't mind just sitting indoors with a cup of tea.
I even iron with myself at the bottom of the list - get the kids clothes out of the way first, then Hubbies, then mine. Well, you never know when they are going to need their clothes (like I won't need them either????? Go figure?
Now I don't know if I am beginning to slow down at the ripe old age of 35 but all of a sudden the lists are getting longer and i seem to be achieving less. Of course their is always the added appendage of a child, usually the diva! and this can slow me down no end as there is aleays something more important to do than the actual things I need to do!! So i frantically try to do all the things on my list in the two hours she goes to nursery twice a week - now I don't think even superwoman could achieve this!!!!! and usually I am rushing around sooooo much I forget the important stuff anyway, even if it is on the list he he!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I don't want a medal or accolade for putting myself last, thats part of the mummy guilt that happens when they pass that sqwarking bundle over to you, but sometimes I think I would like a P.A to help me persorm all the tasks on said list, or one of those machines so I can duplicate myself so that i can be in two places (make that three) at once!!!! Then maybe I wouldn't climb into bed every night feeling knackered, and my head ready to explode with all the things that need doing the next day, or feelings of guilt for not achieving everything on the list that day!!
ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! remind me to write a list of nice things to do like, have a hot cup of tea, read the paper, paint toenails, have a long luxurious uninteruppted bath, read book of choice, etc.... oh well, thats never going to happen so I will just add 'buy own 'wonderful mum' medal to tomorrows list xx
I don't know if its the teacher in me or a bit of OCD leaking out but I would be lost without a list.
I write them for everything - food shopping lists, clothes shopping lists, lists for going on holiday (what to pack etc..), a daily 'to do' list, a weekly 'to do' list, a wish list of 'things that need doing round the house'..... Calendars, food menus, kids activities, birthday lists, these are all my friends - I even made a list once of all the lists I needed to make!!! SAD yes!!!!
Now call me obsessive, call me a geek, call me sad but my mind these days is a volcano of 'everyday stuff' and it just keeps pouring out and the only way to reign it in and make sense of the lava which is my thoughts is with a pen and paper!!!!
However, I have started to look back over some of these lists - and NO i don't keep them for sentimental value before you ask - and I have found just how far down my own list of priorities I come!!! But I am guessing I am not the only mummy out there who does this...........
No1 son needs new shoes (so do I but that will have to wait) ... add it to the list
The darling diva needs new trousers (so do i but that will have to wait) ... add it to the list
Hubby needs a haircut (so do I but that will have to wait) ...... make an appoinment, add it to the list.
Food shopping lists ....... all the food that the other three like, hmmmm not much of what I really want. The diva like spag bol so thats what we will have on monday, Hubby doesn't like fish (i do, i do, ) so will get him something else. No1 son likes that brand of yogurts so thats what goes into the trolley!
Dog to the vets, out for a walk, kids to swimming, school, nursery, trips to the post office, bank, DIY store. Play dates, family visits, etc.. I wouldn't mind just sitting indoors with a cup of tea.
I even iron with myself at the bottom of the list - get the kids clothes out of the way first, then Hubbies, then mine. Well, you never know when they are going to need their clothes (like I won't need them either????? Go figure?
Now I don't know if I am beginning to slow down at the ripe old age of 35 but all of a sudden the lists are getting longer and i seem to be achieving less. Of course their is always the added appendage of a child, usually the diva! and this can slow me down no end as there is aleays something more important to do than the actual things I need to do!! So i frantically try to do all the things on my list in the two hours she goes to nursery twice a week - now I don't think even superwoman could achieve this!!!!! and usually I am rushing around sooooo much I forget the important stuff anyway, even if it is on the list he he!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I don't want a medal or accolade for putting myself last, thats part of the mummy guilt that happens when they pass that sqwarking bundle over to you, but sometimes I think I would like a P.A to help me persorm all the tasks on said list, or one of those machines so I can duplicate myself so that i can be in two places (make that three) at once!!!! Then maybe I wouldn't climb into bed every night feeling knackered, and my head ready to explode with all the things that need doing the next day, or feelings of guilt for not achieving everything on the list that day!!
ARRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!! remind me to write a list of nice things to do like, have a hot cup of tea, read the paper, paint toenails, have a long luxurious uninteruppted bath, read book of choice, etc.... oh well, thats never going to happen so I will just add 'buy own 'wonderful mum' medal to tomorrows list xx
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