Saturday, 26 January 2013

Dear God...........are you there??

Picture the scene..... a tired, bedraggled woman kneels at the side of her bed. Her hair is streaked with grey, there are bags under her eyes, her pyjamas are frayed at the edges (like her nerves) and covered in stains.  In a hushed voice, careful not to wake her semi sleeping children she says her prayers......
'Dear God, its me Katie (for those of you who remember the reference!!) I know you are extremely busy solving all the worlds problems, curing the sick, feeding the hungry, performing minor miracles for the desperate, but I was wondering if you had a spare five minutes to help me out!!!

I don't want to sound ungrateful as i know I am in a fairly privileged position. I have two healthy children (one of each so again thank you) a happy marriage (everyone had a few disagreements so I will swallow that) and a very nice roof over my head (although a bit of help with the cleaning once in a while wouldn't hurt!!!)

Its just that there are a few things, minor things, that need work......... lets start with the children .... would it be too much trouble to ask for a mute button to be installed on the back of their necks or maybe a pause button?  So that I could just get five minutes peace!!!! I love listening to my children don't get me wrong and I'm grateful for their very existence but just a bit of silence to think straight when they are both shouting at me, at each other, demanding my attention, or when I'd like to go to the toilet without an audience or running commentary. 
I really don't think this is too much to ask!!!!!!!!

Then there's the hubby - again very grateful he's still around considering his beautiful, intelligent, sexy wife has turned into a moaning, dribbling, wart hog who can barely muster a smile in his general direction let alone come hither eyes!!
I'm just wondering, would it be possible to give him some general children/household skills? So that he actually puts a plate in the dishwasher instead of on the side, so that he actually changes the toilet roll once its finished, so that he actually tells me when the milk has run out in the fridge!!!!  So that I feel that I have a bit of support instead of another toddler on my hands!!!!!!!!
I do love him very very much and I'm sure he doesn't mean it but between him and the kids I feel that I am being run over systematically by a steam roller and then battered by a caber!! Hence the physical appearance.

Failing all of the above could you just make the younger two sleep longer and the hubby listen a bit more? that would make me a happy relaxed mummy who can cope with the day to day demands of life instead of rocking sobbing in the corner!"!!!

As for the house, I know you don't perform DIY miracles on a regular basis but just this once could you make the bathrooms and oven self cleaning and maybe a few guardian angels following behind me picking up the toys and clothes and shoes and bags and coats and plates and mess!!

I know you don't do bargaining but I promise if you could help me with any of the issues I have mentioned I will give more to charity, I will light a trillion gazillion candles every week at mass and I promise to make my first born enter the priesthood ( I think you will have more of a chance with him, the diva in a habit I cant picture!!)  Come on give me a sign, no one likes to see a woman beg!!

So your most gracious godliness, I humbly ask these minor adjustments in my life to make me a nicer human being, a saner, kinder, more loving mummy!!

P.s and if you have any spare time, help me loose a few pounds (ok, make it stone!), tighten up the skin, get rid of the wrinkles, perkier boobs, shiny hair............

And as we move away from the poor bedraggled woman we realise that she is not actually in prayer anymore but actually asleep, too tired to even drag herself  into the crisp clean sheets that look nearly an hour to put on the bed as she was interrupted a dozen times by one or both of her cherubic, now sleeping angels!!!

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