Here I am, sat in Morrisons drinking a skinny latte, mulling over the fact that my life is on hold as I wait patiently (ahem) for my car to be fixed by the garage opposite.
It has been recalled by the manufacturer for some reason or another and is therefore eating into my precious child free morning!!!!!
Now I think that cars are the most fabulous invention since wine (just don't enjoy them both together!!!!) I honestly think I would fall apart without my 'mummywagon'.
Let me describe her to you........ She is fire engine red with more than a hint of dirt and mud splashes, there are the odd dents and scrapes from trolleys, low lying branches and a brick wall - completely not my fault it just jumped out at me!!!!!. The boot looks like it has been coated in a layer of white cashmere, but on closer inspection you can see that it is merely dog hair. There are shopping bags, wellies, buckets and spades, footballs, rugby balls, dolly clothes and a pair of pants (clean i might add) in the boot, not forgetting the half chewed dog bone. The overall smell inside the car is a mixture of rotting food, frustrated child and stressed mother!. The chairs are covered with crumbs, mud and even a little bit of dried in sick (its hard to get right between the chairs!!) or maybe its blood? who knows. The glove compartments are full of an eclectic mix of music - ranging from show tunes (mine)to pop boy bands(hubby's shh!!) to nursery rhymes and story telling c.ds. There are leads to plug in d.v.d players, chargers for phones and ipads. There are wet wipes, plasters, a half drunk bottle of water, headache tablets and indigestion tablets! There are packets of crisps, raisins, biscuits and an apple!!! There is an audible groan when we enter and exit the car as if she is pleading with us to leave her in silence for a few mins!!! But it is literally my second home and I can't imagine being with out it!!
We live not quite in the a#%e end of nowhere but pretty close and without my car my life would be extremely difficult. School and nursery are in opposite directions. Dance, rugby, football and swimming all mean driving down unmade roads, the closest town is chelmsford (a 15/20 min drive away!!) and snob that I am i can't stand the thought of public transport!!
To be more specific its buses!!! To coin a phrase from the diva 'Yucky stinky yuck!!'
Taxis are fine,but I always feel the need to make general chit chat with the driver! absolute inane crap that keeps my mouth moving and the drivers head nodding! Trains are acceptable as long as its not rush hour - I couldn't bear to work in London and think that those who fight to get to work every morning with other peoples smelly armpits in their faces, other peoples choice of music blaring out, other peoples mobile phone conversations in their ear, sniffing, coughing etc.... you all deserve a medal!!!
But buses are the worst!!
They come with their own unique smell, usually a driver who can barely look in your general direction as they take your money and then pulls away before you have actually sat down, throwing you unceremoniously into the lap of a peculiar looking stranger!!
They stop every two seconds. People wipe all sorts on the seats, windows, holding on bars. There are at least two old crones discussing the whys and wherefores of 'her' at number 15. There is always a lanky, dirty looking lout listening to some heavy rock on an ipod which he feels the need to share with everyone else on the bus. And there has to be one person who sits staring at you for the whole of the journey (usually the one whose lap you fell into!!) making you wonder if you have a bogey hanging out of your nose or if its a really bad hair day!!
Need I go on??? give me my charabang any day!!
Not that I know how it works mind! I have no clue as to the magic that goes on under the hood, it gets me from A to B and that's all that matters!
There are many fine women in the world who can change tyres, top up the oil, know what a spark plug looks like and where a carburetor goes. Me on the other hand has a hubby who can do all that and if he can't I have an AA card that can find a man that can - within a three hour time window anyway!! Hubby did offer to show me how to MOT a car once but I declined on the basis that it was cold and I just wasn't interested!! You have to be honest hey!!
So when I had a blow out -technical term for screaming mother and children, rubber splaying onto the road, cars honking horns and general smell of burning - on the A130 the other month I opened the boot and sobbed like a baby at the sight of no spare tyre and a phone with only one bar of battery left!! Fortunately a very kind man lent me tissues and his phone, then an even nicer man in a big yellow van thingy came to our rescue! Children thought it was one big adventure - after all they had enough food and entertainment in the back of the car to keep them going for a week. I on the other hand vowed to do something about my general girly tarty attitude to vehiculus mobilius!!!!
Therefore I have picked up a booklet of courses offered at evening college and I'm sure there is a general motor understanding course in there, alas I have left it in the car!! Now if I could just find time to clean out the boot, i would be able to find the booklet and book the course! You will be calling me Henry Ford in no time!!!! beep beep
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